Don't, don't, do; won't, won't, will

Sing along with me now the words of Bob Dylan's Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll:

William Zanzinger killed poor Hattie Carroll

With a cane that he twirled around his diamond ring finger

At a Baltimore hotel society gath'rin'.

And the cops were called in and his weapon took from him

As they rode him in custody down to the station

And booked William Zanzinger for first-degree murder

But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears

Take the rag away from your face.

Now ain't the time for your tears.

Through two more verses, Dylan sticks with his story that now ain't the time for your tears. Which brings him to the part where "the ladder of law has no top and no bottom." And the judge:

Stared at the person who killed for no reason

Who just happened to be feelin' that way without warnin'.

And he spoke through his cloak, most deep and distinguished,

And handed out strongly, for penalty and repentance,

William Zanzinger with a six-month sentence.

Oh, but you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears,

Bury the rag deep in your face

For now's the time for your tears.

The first time I heard this song, what made me sit up and take notice was its structure: Don't, Don't, Don't ... Do.

Now comes columnist Matthew DeBord, who starts his December 17 piece by saying "I will not talk about Tiger Woods' mistresses..." It is the first of 29 consecutive sentences that start with "I will not talk about..." and end with some Tigerish detail. Mr. DeBord has to write a few longer-than-usual sentences to avoid breaking his "I will not talk about" structure. The longest one contains 63 words. He then adroitly whittles down to a sequence of sentences with word-counts of 13, 11, 10, 10, 9, 6, and 7, bringing us to the threshold of what he WILL talk about.

He starts clean and crisp: "But I will talk about golf." Then he proffers a few opinions about golf that are not quite worth all the suspense, before closing with some hokum about games and real life.

I've always thought I would someday use the don't, don't, do model for a speech. When the time comes, I'll draw inspiration from the narrative compass of Dylan and DeBord's commitment to structure.