The perfect corporate statement

Well, surely you know the great David Allan Coe rendition of Steve Goodman's You Never Even Called Me By My Name. The one where he sings the first three verses and then speaks the next part:

Well, a friend of mine named Steve Goodman wrote that song, and he told me it was the perfect country and western song. I wrote him back a letter and told him it was not the perfect country and western song because he hadn't said anything at all about mama, or trains, or trucks, or prison, or getting drunk. Well, he sat down and wrote another verse to this song and he sent it to me and after reading it I realized that my friend had written the perfect country and western song. And I felt obliged to include it on this album. The last verse goes like this here:

Well I was drunk the day my mom got out of prison...

Well, I thought of that today as I was eating a Mrs. Fields cookie and reading a nicely written corporate statement on the bag. It started out like this:

In 1977 cookie pioneer Debbi Fields wasn't trying to create the gourmet cookie boom, she was simply impassioned about making the finest oven fresh cookie possible.

And I can hear the corporate voice saying,

Well, you haven't written the perfect corporate statement because you haven't said anything about passion ("impassioned" doesn't count), or commitment, or quality, or the consumer experience, or world-class.

So the copywriter comes back with this perfect second paragraph:

Thirty years later we are still moved by that passion -- honoring that same commitment to the signature cookie recipes and quality standards that make your experience at Mrs. Fields world-class.

And so the corporate voice felt obliged to include that statement on the paper bag that I was reading as I ate my cookie.